For the record, I don’t pee into jars just yet. In another 12 days I begin.
New Orleans is a bathroom nightmare. Nearly every house is a “shotgun”, a straight line of rooms that requires you to traverse every other room to get to the kitchen or bathroom. It’s constructed for maximum airflow, but the side effect is a bladder disaster.
I pee about 4 times a night. Each time I wonder if something’s wrong with me and if I should stick a clothes hangar up my hoohoo to abort my prostate. This new place I’ve moved into is not a “shotgun”, but it does require me to walk through my roommate’s bedroom to use the bathroom, which is directly next to her bed.
It also requires me to keep my dishes in the refridgerator and the lights on at all times to combat the roaches. And I must always be prepared to fight the possum. Always. He lives in the wall.
I don’t want to wake my roommate every night and have her start worrying about my prostate. She is a medical student, so maybe I can give her the clothes hangar to abort it for me. Anyways, I’ve decided that I will pee into jars after lights out time.
This decision, which I feel was forced upon me if I have any desire of retaining the veneer of polite social constructs, has turned into an obsession. I think about what kind of jar I should urinate into. A mason jar? One big jar or multiple small ones? A hospital pee jug… nah.. then I touch illness every night. A nice, expensive French vase with skillfully brushed flower print?
There’s also the issue of removal. How do I go about dumping my pee somewhere else? Will people start to notice me walking with my jars of yellow? Will they wonder what I’m doing? Why I’m doing it? Will I awake every morning to a urination walk of shame?
Should I pee into the jar in my room? Does that make my room the bathroom? Or should I go into the dirty storage room and pee in there? Is that just excess walking? What if people hear me peeing in the storage closet? Will they think I’m just peeing on the floor? There used to be a toilet in there.. now there’s just rotted wood doors. Is it really important to remove the act of urination from my sleeping quarters?
There’s just so many questions to answer, and I’m going to have to start figuring it out. I’ll keep you updated.